Do not forget about your dream. Even if sometimes you are sure that other people and the whole world are stronger than you. The secret is this: do not give up.
She was free, for love gives freedom.
God can do anything. If He did only what we call Good, we could
not call Him Almighty; He would reign in only one part of the flax, and
someone more powerful than He would follow His works and judge them In
that case, I would begin to worship the One who is more powerful.
Human souls, like rivers and plants, also need rain. A special rain is hope, faith and the meaning of life. If there is no rain, everything in the soul dies, although the body still lives. People can say: “Once lived in this body person.”
A person must go through various trials before he can fulfill his destiny.
All battles are needed in life in order to teach us something, even those that we lose.
The Lord requires from people only that which lies within the limits of
My life has always been the way I myself wanted to see.
If the old life oppresses you, quickly forget about it. Think up a new
story of your life and believe in it. Remember only about your victories, and this will help you achieve what you want.
Some events must be experienced, for this is what the gods want.
Today, I am sharing with you an amazing and wonderful post which I read on Medium and is written by Julie X. I find this post a good piece of work to share with you.
My mom loves me and dotes on me, but she can’t help comparing me with other daughters. One day, I broke down in tears and retorted. I don’t remember what I said, but it was probably like, “if she’s so good, why don’t you make her your daughter?”
Since then, she cut back on the comparisons, but she still throws in a compliment about another daughter every now and then. The compliments are always about a female. Never a male. Successful sons aren’t relevant to me.
Now, not being a mother, I know nothing about bringing up kids, but I know getting compared is bad for me. Yet, it’s definitely not her fault.
Mom compares because my grandmother did it to her. My grandma has high expectations for her daughters and taught her that comparison helps us learn from others and become better people. It’s a perfectly good intention, and that’s the intention my mom harbors when she compares me to others. And I, in turn, compare myself to my peers.
Then again, I may have done the comparisons myself even if she had refrained from doing it—most people compare themselves to others.
To someone with low self-esteem, getting compared never stirs my competitive spirits. It simply confirms my perception that I’m not good enough.
So I used to fall into the murky pool of self-loathing back when I’ve been out-compared, which is all the time. Thankfully, after decades of self-loathing, I’ve resolved to self-accept. Turns out it’s possible to get sick of hating yourself after all.
These days, I don’t get as mad and disgusted by myself. It’s a step in the right direction. All I want is to be comfortable with the way I am.
What does comparing a child or yourself or anyone to others do, really?
It does little
If getting compared to others helps me to become a better person, I’d be an extremely successful person by now. I know what I can’t do better than anyone else because I constantly dwelled on it. Yes, this girl is bold, that girl is resourceful. Can I be bold and resourceful just by knowing they are? Not really.
It’s true that you can learn to improve what you’re doing by looking at what someone else is doing, but you should only take the pointers, not make the comparison.
It creates dissatisfaction, obviously
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” Theodore Roosevelt
I can’t remember how many times I’ve suffered that pang of disappointment in myself when I hear about a successful daughter. Even when I am proud of my thought processes and progresses, when a better, more capable daughter with higher earning power comes along, my satisfaction shatters. Comparison is the thief of joy.
Like it or not, there’ll always be a “better”, more capable person out there. If you turn comparison into a habit for your child or yourself, you’re bound to always be dissatisfied with yourself to some extent.
It worsens low self-esteem
When I was a kid, watching other kids in a competition, I’d get so bitter and I’d think I can do better than them. I could never just enjoy the show and be entertained because I instinctively compare myself to them. The bitterness is born of jealousy.
I confirm my own beliefs that I’m not good enough when I compare myself with someone more capable. Instead of accepting that I have a different set of qualities and problems, I jump straight into what I lack, essentially blinding myself from appreciating what I have and how I am.
Ever since I got old enough to see that someone else is better than me, I’ve felt inferior unless I come across someone in a worse situation, in that case, there’s a sense of camaraderie, which brings me to the last problem.
It is not compassionate or gracious
What are we doing when we compare? How are we supposed to feel when we come out on top? Are we supposed to feel better when someone else isn’t doing as well?
When we’re comparing ourselves to others, we’re basically hoping to be better than others. Is the satisfaction from being “better” than someone else a healthy satisfaction? Not at all, it’s mean, even. No one’s better than anyone. We’re all struggling in one way or another.
There’s a reason I’m not successful, and comparison rubs my face into what I already know I’m lacking — adding salt to my wound. Maybe it motivates some people to do better, but motivation can come from healthier places, like inspiration.
When we’re comparing, we’re always viewing someone’s success in relation to ourselves, so we put ourselves in the middle of everything.
I tend to compare myself with any capable woman I hear about. Most of the time, I’ll feel a stab of acidic disappointment in myself. Myself, myself — I’ve put myself in the center of everything. Tsk tsk. Ungracious. So ungracious.
It’s hard to be genuinely happy or sorry for someone if we’re prone to comparison. Our joy for someone better will always be tainted with jealousy or envy.
Comparing to others is groundless and pointless
You can’t compare the rose with the wildflowers, or the rabbit with the turtle. Can you say the orange tastes better than the apple? They have different flavor profiles. We’re all born with different personalities and different circumstances. It’s illogical to expect everyone to perform the same way.
I wish my grandmother didn’t compare my mom to others, but it’s probably what her mom taught her. I can see the effects on my mom. She’s constantly trying to be perfect, to be better, and I feel sorry for her because that’s tiring. I think part of her is still trying to meet my grandma’s expectations, even though my grandma died more than 10 years ago.
I don’t blame my mom for comparing me to other daughters. How can she not, when that’s what she’s been brought up to do? She finds it hard to tell her friends what I’m doing because I’m strange and unemployed. I feel bad for her, but I’m not about to change who I am. Well, not like I can.
I’ll never be the daughter she wants — a stable, strong, and financially robust person. (I’m thankful she loves me anyway.) I’m sensitive, introspective, and want little to my name, so I’m not built to climb the corporate ladder. I like to think that I’ve jumped right over the formalities of life into its core issues.
In other words, I simply have a different development arc, and that’s neither better nor worse than anyone else. It’s just… different.
At the end of the day, it’s all about self-acceptance.
Perhaps you compare yourself to others too, especially when you’re scrolling through social media and seeing the happy pictures of relatives and friends at their fancy dinners or expensive holiday trips. I hope you’ll remember that comparison brings you more harm than good, and not do it.
And if your parents too, compare you with someone else, I hope you’ll understand that it problem comes from a place of love, and remember this.
You became the way you are because of a combination of your personality and circumstances. We’re all on different paths, we carry different baggage and want different things, but there are things we can all do, and that’s to count our blessings, smell the flowers and accept ourselves.
I watched A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood the other day. There’s an important lesson in it, that we’re fine the way we are, and each of us is precious.
Here’s the original Mr. Rogers with an invaluable message. We’re indeed all fine as we are, regardless of success, financial worth, dispositions, looks, quirks, or flaws.
If you find yourself comparing yourself or your child or even your spouse to others, I hope you’ll refrain from doing that. I hope you’ll be kind to your loved ones and yourself — like your loved ones as they are, and yourself as you are.